I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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