Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woke up backwards on a recliner
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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