im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I don't deserve a penis
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
