I'm really into asian looking animals
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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