at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
