im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The air was thick with penises
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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