it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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