Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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