I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
