sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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