you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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