very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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