on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
