paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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