your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
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Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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