I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
