if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
50% drunk capacity currently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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