ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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