ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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