Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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