I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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