I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
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this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
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You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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