you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
