My friends, they love my intelligence
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
