I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
