one might say we're banned from that church
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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