What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
last night I used snow as a chaser
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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