It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
