STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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