he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
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Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
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You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I love you. Go after that dick
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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