He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
