I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
