At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
