How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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