Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Randomize
