That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
