if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
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Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
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So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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