Buhtt sex?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
