What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
