Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
