I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
