I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
