Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
