You smell like a Billy Joel song
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
