Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
