All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
