It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize