The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
