So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
