You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
