How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
