He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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