Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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