Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
