how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
