Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
