Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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