It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
