giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
