I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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