My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
